Coaching For The Co-Addict
Nine years ago I had no idea I was a "co-addict." In fact, the first time I heard that
term I was offended that someone would label me as such! My husband had
recently confessed that his "struggle" was more than a struggle, it was an
addiction. He was the addict, not me!
Over time, however, I began to understand that as the spouse of the addict I played
a part in the unhealthy "dance" we had created in our relationship. Some of the
things I did (like trying to fix him, or walking on eggshells around him) were my
own dance steps. I had my role in the addiction.
Living with an addict can be like swirling in a vortex of insanity. If you're not careful,
you get sucked in, too!
Changing my steps in the "dance" was completely uncharted territory for me and I
soon discovered that though there were resources for the addict, there were very
few for the spouse. I read every book available, talked with counselors, went to 12
Step meetings, yet I longed for someone to understand my situation and walk with
me through the process of my own recovery.
I provide coaching for the spouse of the addict. I walk
alongside other women and help them determine safe,
healthy boundaries for themselves. I help them stay sane
when their spouse is insane. I help them see their
"triggers" that perpetuate the unhealthy dynamics in the
relationship. I assist them in learning to ask for what they
want in a clear and clean way.
There is a great deal of shame and hiddenness in addiction;
not only for the addict but also for the spouse. It's my
privilege to provide a safe, nonjudgmental place to openly
talk about what's going on, and to offer support and help in
times of need.
term I was offended that someone would label me as such! My husband had
recently confessed that his "struggle" was more than a struggle, it was an
addiction. He was the addict, not me!
Over time, however, I began to understand that as the spouse of the addict I played
a part in the unhealthy "dance" we had created in our relationship. Some of the
things I did (like trying to fix him, or walking on eggshells around him) were my
own dance steps. I had my role in the addiction.
Living with an addict can be like swirling in a vortex of insanity. If you're not careful,
you get sucked in, too!
Changing my steps in the "dance" was completely uncharted territory for me and I
soon discovered that though there were resources for the addict, there were very
few for the spouse. I read every book available, talked with counselors, went to 12
Step meetings, yet I longed for someone to understand my situation and walk with
me through the process of my own recovery.
I provide coaching for the spouse of the addict. I walk
alongside other women and help them determine safe,
healthy boundaries for themselves. I help them stay sane
when their spouse is insane. I help them see their
"triggers" that perpetuate the unhealthy dynamics in the
relationship. I assist them in learning to ask for what they
want in a clear and clean way.
There is a great deal of shame and hiddenness in addiction;
not only for the addict but also for the spouse. It's my
privilege to provide a safe, nonjudgmental place to openly
talk about what's going on, and to offer support and help in
times of need.
Shari Marbois
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